nittyGriddy

i stum­bled across a pretty funny post called ‘how to tick peo­ple off’ by joe craw­ford from artlung. it’s a list of things that peo­ple do to annoy the hell out of you — some funny, some not! i thought it would be nice to repub­lish it here as some of them do ring true — try to pic­ture a few, and you’ll see what i mean. see­ing that this is a copy paste of the orig­i­nal post, i have left the text as is.

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sex­ual favors.”
3. Spec­ify that your drive-through order is “TO-GO.”
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occa­sion­ally with your pen while talk­ing to others.
5. Stomp on lit­tle plas­tic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keep­ing your car wind­shield wipers run­ning in all weather con­di­tions “to keep them tuned up.”
7. Reply to every­thing some­one says with “that’s what you think.”
8. Prac­tice mak­ing fax and modem noises.
9. High­light irrel­e­vant infor­ma­tion in sci­en­tific papers and “cc” them to your boss.
10. Make beep­ing noises when a large per­son backs up.
11. Fin­ish all your sen­tences with the words “in accor­dance with prophesy.”
12. Sig­nal that a con­ver­sa­tion is over by clamp­ing your hands over your ears and grimacing.
13. Dis­as­sem­ble your pen and “acci­den­tally” flip the ink car­tridge across the room.
14. Holler ran­dom num­bers while some­one is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the peo­ple are green, and insist to oth­ers that you “like it that way.”
16. Sta­ple pages in the mid­dle of the page.
17. Pub­licly inves­ti­gate just how slowly you can make a croak­ing noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restau­rant, and sim­ply eat their com­pli­men­tary mints at the cash register.
20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in low­er­case. ouch!
22. dont use any punc­tu­a­tion either
23. Buy a large quan­tity of orange traf­fic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the fol­low­ing con­ver­sa­tion a dozen times.
    “DO YOU HEAR THAT?“
    “What?“
    “Never mind, it’s gone now.”
25. As much as pos­si­ble, skip rather than walk.
26. Try play­ing the William Tell Over­ture by tap­ping on the bot­tom of your chin. When nearly done, announce “No, wait, I messed it up,” and repeat.
27. Ask peo­ple what gen­der they are.
28. While mak­ing pre­sen­ta­tions, occa­sion­ally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard point­ing a hair dryer at pass­ing cars to see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mys­te­ri­ous ques­tions and then scrib­ble their answers in a note­book. Mut­ter some­thing about “psy­cho­log­i­cal profiles.”

nittyGriddy’s add-ons to artlung’s ‘annoy­ing things’ list:

1. call someone’s name over and over while you con­tin­u­ously poke at their arm with one finger.
2. stare at someone’s expen­sive brand name watch and tell them how incred­i­bly real it looks from far.
3. fin­ish someone’s sen­tences when they talk.
4. exclaim “that’s what she said” at the end of someone’s state­ment — a bit like michael in ‘the office’ series.
5. if you have a loose crown in your mouth, pop it in and out while some­one talks to you.
6. nod your head repet­i­tively and repeat “yup, ahum ahum” while some­one speaks to you.
7. hang up the phone before the other per­son has the chance to say goodbye.
8. ask how much some­one payed for their new pur­chase and tell them you found it for half off some­where else.
9. bark at peo­ple from your car while sit­ting at a stop light.
10. snatch a mag­a­zine out of someone’s hand while they are read­ing it and start to read the arti­cle yourself.
11. read the morn­ing paper out loud at the office so that every­one can hear.
12. con­tin­u­ously inter­rupt some­one as they tell a story.
13. fix someone’s tie, shirt or eye­brows as they talk to you.
14. pop obnox­ious bub­bles with your chew­ing gum.
15. chew your food/gum with your mouth open — pretty much like a cow… and talk at the same time.

are there any oth­ers that annoy you? post your comments.

[image credit (top right): www.best-of-web.com]

[image credit (bot­tom left): mypugmarks.blogspot.com]