i stumbled across a pretty funny post called ‘how to tick people off’ by joe crawford from artlung. it’s a list of things that people do to annoy the hell out of you – some funny, some not! i thought it would be nice to republish it here as some of them do ring true – try to picture a few, and you’ll see what i mean. seeing that this is a copy paste of the original post, i have left the text as is.

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors.”
3. Specify that your drive-through order is “TO-GO.”
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.”
7. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what you think.”
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc” them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophesy.”
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
13. Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.”
16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase. ouch!
22. dont use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
    “DO YOU HEAR THAT?”
    “What?”
    “Never mind, it’s gone now.”
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce “No, wait, I messed it up,” and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles.”

nittyGriddy’s add-ons to artlung’s ‘annoying things’ list:

1. call someone’s name over and over while you continuously poke at their arm with one finger.
2. stare at someone’s expensive brand name watch and tell them how incredibly real it looks from far.
3. finish someone’s sentences when they talk.
4. exclaim “that’s what she said” at the end of someone’s statement – a bit like michael in ‘the office‘ series.
5. if you have a loose crown in your mouth, pop it in and out while someone talks to you.
6. nod your head repetitively and repeat “yup, ahum ahum” while someone speaks to you.
7. hang up the phone before the other person has the chance to say goodbye.
8. ask how much someone payed for their new purchase and tell them you found it for half off somewhere else.
9. bark at people from your car while sitting at a stop light.
10. snatch a magazine out of someone’s hand while they are reading it and start to read the article yourself.
11. read the morning paper out loud at the office so that everyone can hear.
12. continuously interrupt someone as they tell a story.
13. fix someone’s tie, shirt or eyebrows as they talk to you.
14. pop obnoxious bubbles with your chewing gum.
15. chew your food/gum with your mouth open – pretty much like a cow… and talk at the same time.

are there any others that annoy you? post your comments.

[image credit (top right): www.best-of-web.com]

[image credit (bottom left): mypugmarks.blogspot.com]