The Shit I Hear!

Once in a while I hear STUPID, STRANGE or FUNNY shit that’s worth sharing! So when I do, I’ll make sure you do too!

  • Nov. 27, 2010

Where: At a friend’s house

Who: Anonymous

What: “Life is like a cigarette. You enjoy smoking it but at some point you have to put it out.”

My Thoughts: Oh My God! If I actually give this phrase the time of day and think about it, there’s actually some meaning to it.

  • Nov.9, 2010

Where: In the car

Who: Anonymous


ME: “If you keep braking like that, I’m gonna’ hurl in your car.”

ANONYMOUS: “I can’t help it, that’s the way I hit the pedal. I don’t rest my foot on the ground so as not to ruin my shoes.”

My Thoughts: OMG, I think she has a point. But I’m still gonna’ throw up!

  • Oct. 6, 2010


  • Apr. 21, 2010

Where: Nowhere special

Who: Anonymous

What: “My life is hell. I’m always busy. Or my phone is ringing, or my mom needs me, or my little cousins are at the house, or my trainer is working me, or I’m doing my hair, or I’m doing my massage, or I have to shower, or dress and put on makeup… You see? This is my day! I know – sad but true!”

My Thoughts: Hmmm…tough life. You must be exhausted!

  • Mar. 14, 2010

Where: In a restaurant

Who: Anonymous

What: “Men were not created to be monogamous. We f*** as easily as we pee!” [translated from Arabic]

My Thoughts: I hate to admit it, but he has a point.

  • Feb. 20, 2010

It seems I haven’t heard any good shit in a while. But don’t lose hope, there’s tons of people out there spurting stuff out every minute. I’ll hear something worthy of sharing eventually :).

  • Feb. 7, 2010

Where: Nowhere special

Who: Anonymous

What: “I love Chanel. Even if they made ‘poopoo’, I would still buy it!”

My Thoughts: Lol! Oddly enough, I think she has a point.

And for some reason, I can also picture Marilyn Monroe saying something of the sort.

  • Feb. 5, 2010

Where: Nowhere special

Who: Anonymous

What: “I peed on my husband while sitting behind him on the jet ski.”

My Thoughts: Ewwww…

  • Feb. 2, 2010 (but in fact – not too long ago)

Where: In a house while playing cards

Who: Anonymous

What: “I didn’t cheat! She didn’t even see my cards when I showed them to her.”

My Thoughts: Are you seriously going with that argument?

  • Feb. 1, 2010 (but in fact – a couple weeks ago)

Where: Nowhere special

Who: Anonymous

What: “Does ‘Ugly Betty’ get pretty in season 2?”

My Thoughts: Yes, she does. She becomes one of Mode’s super models and the show’s name is changed to ‘Beautiful Betty.’

  • Jan. 29, 2010

Where: Nowhere special

Who: Anonymous

What: “I think it’s official. All of my braincells are dead; even the one that was in the coma.”

My Thoughts:

  • Jan. 28, 2010

Where: At a lunch

Who: Anonymous

What: “I fanny farted at the gynecologist today during my pap smear.”

My Thoughts: Hmmm… could the title of this page be more perfect?

  • Jan. 26, 2010

Where: Over the phone

Who: My bank’s Client Relations Officer

What: “I’m really sorry that you haven’t been able to use your credit card for the last 2 years. I’ve tried to fix the problem several times, but I don’t know where its coming from. Should I renew the card again for you this year?” [translated from French]

My Thoughts: What do you think? Do I want to keep paying for a credit card that doesn’t work?

  • Cosentino Group

    haahha I was LOLing whole time while reading this.There are few that actually have deep meaning but i think that most of them are just phrases from people that like to make jokes and they are not aware even if they say something deep 

  • Brad R

    Where: Neighborhood party.

    Person 1: So, which kid here is yours?

    Person 2: I dont know… (looking around), I haven’t decided yet.

  • WebMechanix

    Where: (dating website)

    Who: A random African American girl from DC

    What: She said to me in a private message: “Hey you look delicious! I like playing tennis too… something about smacking balls back and forth makes me happy”

    My Thoughts: Um, is this real? Who has the “balls” to say this to someone they’ve never met? Where do I sign up?

    Haha just kidding on that last one! That was over a year ago, needless to say, I never wrote her back.

    More recently though, a very pretty Lebanese girl said “hello mr. arab hottie man” – needless to say, I asked her out — but then 2 days later, she closed her account!

    Is this just my luck Ingrid?!

  • Jason A. Monczka

    Love your style… from your Seductively French friends in Scottsdale, Arizona (and hopefully not too far off from Paris) Keep it going – put a big smile on my face. :-)

    • Ingrid Abboud

      Hey Jason,
      Glad you guys like it over here ;). This is just a little fun section I do once in a while – and you reminded me – it’s time to pay some more attention to the funny crap that people are saying lol.

      Thanks for stopping by.

  • Thomas

    You really hear a lot of shit Ingrid, very funny some of it :-)
    By the way love the Quotes daddy thing on the top. Maybe I should check it out for my own blog.
    Thanks for sharing.

    • Ingrid Abboud

      LOL Thomas :)

      Ha! You have nooo idea!

      I actually haven’t updated this section in a while and I really should cause I have been hearing some funny shit lately.

      I love my QuotesDaddy widget. But then again, I’m a huge fan of quotes in general. I update this manually – almost everyday – so I can pick out the quote I want.

      You should definitely check it out – it’s easy to install plus tons of great quotes for you to choose from.

      Thanks for stopping by and listening to some of the Shit I Hear ;).